Production

Designing our weekly schedule, our identity, our life.

I did not choose this term by accident. I would recommend everybody to prepare for producing changes in his life in the same way events such as movies, series, festivals, parties, birthday parties are produced. A huge force works hard and takes care of dozens, hundreds and even thousands of factors which are supposed to become perfectly united in order to achieve the best end- product.

A production is a link in the chain of management. It is the component that realizes friendly ideas. Achievement of goals requires a long chain of practical productions while moving forward and learning lessons. It includes scanning the cultural, entertaining scenery: performances, lectures, activities and so forth. Long and tiring walks in pursuit of the right place and the right activity. When producing superb entertaining quality with a spouse, the production takes him/her into account when planning the contents of the meetings.

For instance, a production is required from a woman who has had only partial relationships, sometimes with multiple partners simultaneously. As part of the production she should go to a party with one of her partners and behave as if they were a married couple. Meaning that they are committed to each other to be at their best.

In order for the production to be efficient, it is important to avoid disruption of pre-planned plans as much as possible. Only two factors can change our production plan: a major failure which is beyond our control or exposure to a worthier opportunity. It is important that our productions succeed and that we do not let any gust of wind (or mood) change our plans.

A production includes unfolding a fan of several possible scenarios and preparing for each one of them before taking an important step. For example, an important conversation with your teenage daughter requires special consideration. Plan some short phrases that do not include preaching. Try to guess her reaction. Prepare a draft and read it several times. Pick the time and the place which increase the chance of a successful negotiation. For instance, if there is a chance of a conflict, perhaps it is advisable to have the meeting at a coffee-house in a civilized atmosphere instead of meeting at home.

Planning a weekend or an evening for each one of you or for you as a couple is also a common production. The logistics will gradually become an inseparable part of your identity.

As time goes by lessons are learnt and the procedure is upgraded. For instance, if you arrive at the cinema and realize that the tickets are all sold out, or if you arrive at the restaurant and realize that there are no available seats, it is no big deal. The most important thing is that you learn your lesson. Next time, you will buy the tickets and book the seats in advance and your evening will be much more successful. However, when people do not learn the lesson, they make the same mistakes over and over again.

Well, this is quite simple logistics. (It is complicated only to the spontaneous amongst us and to learning decliners). It is much more complicated to realize decisions such as losing weight. Here, a chain of productions which would eventually lead to an outcome is needed. Changing eating habits and daily diversified sports activities are required. People who are not used to it find it difficult to realize such decision and many of them fail time and time again. In cases like these sometimes we need to recruit all our means which will enable us to achieve the friendly goal. From associating with different partners to hiring a personal coach… Sometimes we need even more sophisticated and creative means in order to proceed.

See “Homework” and “Day’s Contents”.

This is highly important practice which is part of shaping our identity. Only when we are able to persist in numerous productions, in several domains, we are able to compare and identify our priorities, our better capabilities and the relevant opportunities within the field of opportunities. We should not leave the shaping of our identity in the hands of mere chance.

Public Opinion

The reaction of the society surrounding us to our every deed or action

When we undergo change, we break off the surrounding balance and we can expect various reactions from the people around us. This public has considerable weigh which has to be taken into account. One must act with determination in order to overcome the expected resistance. On the other hand, it is also possible to recruit the public opinion to promote desirable things.

Small children identify themselves through grownup’s reactions. They will adjust to the public surrounding them. An adult will pave his way along the public opinion, and if necessary, against it.

In most cases the influence of public opinion is negative. It is difficult to be a good pupil in a class in which the popular children are bad pupils; it is not easy to be persistent, to invest efforts and do homework in an environment in which it is customary not to make any efforts. Under the influence of the herd an individual might get trampled and pushed away or be dragged into trampled culture or the culture of diagnosis and judgment. Herdic participation in elections and the Inflammation of nationalistic emotions are negative results of public opinion and the impact of ratings on the shaping of cultural taste is well known…In such a case a student of the Friendship School is supposed to be able to fight off public opinion in the process of building his identity.

Nevertheless, it is possible to recruit public opinion to promote abilities. When we are near people who are important to us, we try to be our best. We are stricter around them than when we are alone. And thus we shall make the most out of ourselves.

It is clear that we must choose the appropriate public. If you choose your single friends and tell them why your last relationship has ended they shall encourage you to stay single. As the famous “Seinfeld” team which serves as a support group for chronic singles… Thus, one that wishes to change his identity from a single person to a spouse should expose himself to people who enjoy their family life.

More than once I have mentioned that I help people who have problems only if they are determined to make a change. These people probably have a source which is influenced by past events and produces negative reliefs, but they also have layers of a more developed and determined identity and they make efforts to produce change. On the other hand, when I come across a learning decliner, I will look for a capable person who will serve as audience. Perhaps he will be able to start the process of change.

Sometimes it is the spouse, sometime the parents will be the ones to produce change and sometimes the children will make their parents change. Often bosses and lectures at the university are capable of starting the process. To some extent, a friendly end justifies the means…

As far as public opinion is concerned, it is important to know where the borderline is – when the public opinion is a means to producing ability, and when it only limits our identity and suffocates us. The question we should ask is up to what point does the social setting enlarge our identity and enrich us and from what point does it limit and suffocate us…When does our identity as a spouse broaden our identity and when does it limit us… When does the familial setting contribute to the growth of the adolescent and when is he better off without his original family and should expand his horizons and urge his growth…

Sometimes I use the term “audience” to describe the partner to the language of communication.  The anxious mother, for example, may serve as wonderful audience to the child who causes worry and thus encourage him to take risks. If that is the case, the audience is a negative factor. In other cases the audience is a friendly, enriching factor, for instance, a wife or a mother who likes music may serve as audience that encourages her family members to play music.