Identity
A reservoir of all the things we gather through our life time.
Another version: The answer to the question “Who am I?” according to our abilities.
There are factors that define our identity against our will. For example, we cannot choose our place of birth. However, once we become mobile we are able to move in all directions and to decide to settle in a different place and to shape a new identity for ourselves. When we grow up we are able to change the name given to us by our parents to a more desirable name. If we wish, we can get rid of numerous characterizations forced upon us and shape our identity according to our choice.
In the course of life sometimes a person comes across circumstances which force him to make changes in his identity. When a person is fired from his job, he is sometimes forced to change his profession. A disaster might force a person to start from scratch. Sometimes a person rehabilitates his own identity, and sometimes he builds himself a new world and a new identity.
Immigration to another country requires enormous changes. Some people try to maintain their old identity. Some combines in their identity characteristics that were not typical of them in their birth country. An Israeli immigrant, for instance, might start going to the synagogue on Saturday. If an immigrant remains the same in the new country, does it mean that he is loyal to his identity or that he is a learning decliner? In my opinion, a Jewish or Israeli or Muslim ghetto reflects disability more than free will. When I observe some of the ultra-orthodox people in Jerusalem who wear clothes that were appropriate in cold countries in east Europe, it seems like learning declining. Selecting what to take from our old identity and what to add to it is a complicated scholastic deed of shaping our identity. People who are used to the scholastic culture, especially small children, absorb almost immediately the language of the new place in addition to their mother tongue. Sometime the new language becomes as dominant as the mother tongue. Sometimes it even becomes more dominant . Thus, a complicated identity which is hard to define is developed. An Israeli who has lived in France for about twenty years becomes, to a large extent, a French. But he shall not be French as a French person who has never been an Israeli. If he comes to live in Israel again he shall not come home to his old identity. He would find out that the country has changed and that he, at least for a certain period, is an immigrant in his homeland. Even when he speaks Hebrew, his language will be a bit archaic and he will speak in a French accent… Let’s make it even more complicated. Suppose your son marries a non-Jewish woman, from Lebanon… Will their children be Jewish, Israeli, Arabs, Catholics???
Thus, it is not easy to define a person’s identity according to the nationality, the religion or the ethnic group in a changing social reality.
In spite of all of the above, it must be noted that most people in the world are never exposed to questions of identity. A person who was born in an ultra-orthodox family and studied at ultra-orthodox institutions, inherited an identity when he was born. Surely, it happens that from time to time, especially during adolescence, someone rebels against his destiny, finds a new path and shapes a different identity, but most people belong to their community and do not ask too many questions. Most of them are even proud of themselves as if they have won the best possible identity.
Similarly, most people live all their lives in one place, almost disconnected to the rest of the world. Progress has not reached them, and even if it did, they would refer to it as a disruption to their right way of life…
There is no doubt that upheavals have caused significant changes of identity amongst people who came across special circumstances. It is also known that sometimes people make changes in their identity. A religious person might become secular. A secular person might become religious and his whole life changes. A single person gets married. Young people become parents. A smoker becomes a non-smoker. A non-smoker becomes a smoker. A homosexual becomes heterosexual or bisexual. A heterosexual leaves his family and becomes a homosexual. A landlord becomes homeless. A healthy person becomes ill or disabled. A living person commits suicide and becomes dead.
All of the above proves that it is possible to change one’s identity, for better or worse, depends on the beholder. The ability to shape our identity exists.
Many people define identity according to profession, prominent characteristics, such as appearance or likability, or according to measurements that were determined based on awkward diagnosis. All of these definitions are not accurate.
We recommend a definition that derives from the major occupations of the person. Obviously defining the identity according to capabilities is not completely thorough, but it is better than the other definitions.
As aforesaid, in scholastic culture a person is committed to the ongoing process of shaping his identity. And later on becomes committed to nurturing his identity, and if the need arises, to reinvent himself.
I allow myself to use a somewhat judgmental tone here. In scholastic culture the person develops the core of his identity and more and more branches grow in the process. The branches are additional occupations and part-time hobbies that enrich the main occupations, the ones that take up most of the identity cake. In most cases these people become experts in certain domains and the additional occupations serve as spices that enrich the dish.
Some people move in all directions, constantly discover new branches and create a tree that spreads sideways and lacks a central trunk that grows upwards. The enjoyment derived from their abilities is partial and numerous stimulations distract and confuse them.
In addition, behaviors which harm the identity are to be taken into account compared with actions that suit it. A parking offence, for instance, does not harm the identity, but sexual harassment might destroy the career of a person with a delicate role as if he had decided to commit suicide in terms of his identity.
The process of shaping the identity is made of the same components needed for producing change. When a person with a serious developing bug comes to see me, I demand that he spends all his free time doing homework. Otherwise, He shall probably keep moving in all directions and destroy unknowingly whatever he has managed to achieve. This is the nature of his bug. This approach is interfering, even intrusive, but it promotes change.
It is hard to describe the suffering of a person who has not developed an identity; a person who does not really know himself. At the moment he is a waiter. At the moment he is a student. At the moment he is dating someone, but he does not know who he is and what he will do when he grows up…
Shaping identity takes time. First we should sharpen our basic tools and then we should use them in order to shape our identity. To locate and identify the better abilities compared to other abilities, to identify priorities, to promote the things that give us satisfaction and are beneficial to us until our personal identity is shaped.
Many people find it difficult and prefer to establish an immediate identity. To wear army uniforms, police uniforms, a sports team’s uniforms, religious signs etc. Others establish random identities. They make their living from a temporary job they keep it until they become pensioners. Some marry the first woman they have a relationship with. Perhaps you would claim that they chose not to be exposed to the enormous number of confusing possibilities and to select their identity characteristics.
The life of a person who has an identity is much easier. The identity is the ultimate maximal reduction. Choosing your personal identity from the colorful, endless selection. Choosing your occupation, your companion, the place where you live your life. Knowing what contributes to your identity and what harms it. This kind of person knows what to anticipate when he wakes up in the morning and when he comes home at night. He finds his occupations worthy and he has an automatic screening tool. When such a person knows he is a layer, as he knows his own name, he does not look at doctors or engineers want ads. He does not need to ask himself questions about his identity every morning. He does not need to ask himself what to do and what not to do. Identity contains an automatic mechanism that rejects certain questions in advance and points at other issues. It may seem like repression but it is not. Here, the automatic mechanisms in the brain are not responsible for the screening. The person himself, the shaper of the identity, is the one responsible for it. This is friendly since your strengths are available to be invested in whatever else you choose to invest in. This is one of the origins of the drive to study further which is the main characteristic of people of scholastic culture… It is not crude rejection. People are exposed to the surrounding and sometimes to additional stimulations but these do not lead to identity confusion.
Nevertheless, in order not to become immersed in repression, and since the common tendency is to keep the routine, even if it is a good routine, it is important to raise identity questions from time to time and to perform a kind of soul search in order to make sure our identity has not become a trap of blocking automatic repression. Do not hesitate to perform occasional soul search. The existing foundation makes sure we would not be confused by every gust of wind. We are knowledgeable about certain domains and thus we shall not replace them with inappropriate ones for no reason. On the other hand, we will not miss a special opportunity for change if we are exposed to one which is worthy and can compete with the contents of our old foundation.
A nurtured identity raises the starting point of other stimulations. For example, if someone who has built his professional identity, senses a stimulation to add another occupation in his free time, it will be a hobby related to his profession. If he chooses the new interest over the old one, it should probably be worth it.
A friendly attitude towards our identity requires not only wide and comprehensive scenery sight, but also identifying growth processes and possible scenarios. Repression of the expected future is not less damaging than repression of current abilities. For instance, if someone has built her identity based merely on being a pretty girl, she shall find out in the future that age bites into such an identity mercilessly. In other words, her identity has no future. Prettier young women will push her aside. Another example is an excellent athlete who finds out at a pretty young age that he is too old for this competitive sport. In other words, people who do not develop a more complex identity with a potential to grow, will soon lose their purpose of life or suffer endlessly due to the things they cannot achieve… On the other hand, a person who has prepared an infrastructure for possible growth shall build the layers of his identity till his last day. The athlete will become a coach, a business man, a movie star, a director or choose any other occupation which is not limited to very young people. The pretty girl will became a layer, a writer, a counselor and the list is endless.
