Management

A tool which enables us to organized our time in the best way.

Deciding which activities will be included in our schedule and the ways in which this decision is implemented is what I call “management”. Obviously when we plan our schedule, we must consider constraints which cannot be ignored. But, with the help of correct management, we shall not miss the opportunity to make the best of our lives. Most of our time will be dedicated to things we like and choose, and minimal time will be dedicated to constraints. What else can we do with constraints? We might even learn to like some of the constraints which will better their entertaining quality. For instance, it is possible to turn house cleaning into something which is not that horrible by playing pleasant music and getting help from a few friends. Another option is to offer our services in something we like to do and using the money for hiring a housemaid. Another friendly way is to compensate an unpleasant constraint by planning a special pastime. For instance, if we must undergo an unpleasant dental treatment,  we can plan special pastimes before and after the treatment. Thus, we shall have a nice day in spite of the constraint.

A vacation with a friend, for those are not accustomed to that, will be much more successful with the help of management. It is a well known medication for eliminating arguments…

Again, we shall emphasize that the ones who are used to obligations and constraints and are perceived as the ones who carry the burden, are capable of making a significant identity change more easily than others. They should use their magnificent ability to carry the burden for the sake of completely different cultural elements. It means using an existing ability for the sake of acquiring a new one. For example, an individual who has great working abilities and can work long hours in a row quite easily, can use this ability at home as well. In other words, in the past  he used to come home exhausted and too mentally drained for his wife and children, now he comes home as if he has not finished his work day. It is like making a switch which keeps him committed for a short while after he has entered the door. A person that does this homework for a while finds out, soon enough, that he can enjoy himself with the wife and the children as well. Similarly, people who are not used to enjoy a vacation should refer to their first vacations as an essential work. If they are patient enough, they shall soon find out that their abilities broaden and enable them both to work and to enjoy vacations.

Management  is an arbitrary act. It is based on a decision rather than on desires. And why does it contribute to producing change? Since many beginnings involve an effort which is not that enjoyable. For instance, practicing a complicated shift from one accord to the other when playing a certain musical instrument. And sometimes dozens or hundreds of irritating rehearsals are needed before the music flows. Not many will be persistent enough to go through the difficult and not so interesting part and they, in fact, would give up the reward – which is the ability to play and produce music, which is one of the most marvelous pleasures a person might have. Similarly, a person who wants to play tennis is required to practice countless forehand and backhand strokes in order to achieve the pure pleasure felt by the ones who already know how to play tennis…

Management requires a set of productions from theory to practice. It is also an important layer of sharpening tools for identity formation. First we should practice management for the next couple of days:  what can be done tomorrow afternoon, and what can and should be done tomorrow evening. The more complicated identity issues should be faced later:  what should be my profession, and what should be my hobby, whom to marry, whom to befriend etc.

The resolved objectors of management are the “spontaneous” . They want to do whatever they feel like whenever they feel like it and do not agree to plan meetings and pastime in advance. Out of shortsightedness they perceive themselves as free as long as they do not commit. In most cases these people are contended with little. They act according to various moods and accidental caprices. They get bored easily and must be in constant move, mostly sideways and not forward. It is difficult for them to reach rich experiences that are reached by persistence and delving into a particular field. Their friends see them as unreliable. A dual or multiple production requires many efforts and fails most of the times. For instance, finding several people who are hungry at the same time and available for a meal, or several people who would want to go dancing spontaneously without prior arrangements.

A person who is used to management shall find out that even without it and in a spontaneous manner, he is able to produce a lovely weekend for his family and himself without prior planning. He enjoys the fruits of his persistence and has many options to choose from easily and rapidly. In front of him there are many clear paths in which he has walked before. And he does not need to use a map in an area he has toured numerous times before.

Here and there there are spontaneous who succeed in producing various productions even without prior planning. But usually they are very famous or very rich. These kind of people easily find people who adjust to their caprices and do as they please. And they enjoy the illusion of satisfaction and success.

But, in most cases, reliable people prefer to befriend other reliable people and make plans with them.

The ones who have abilities will not respond positively to unreliable people. They know that planning in advance enables them to be more sufficient.

See “Production”.

Maximal Reduction

A key concept in the shaping of our identity. Reduction of our field of consciousness to the appropriate size which will enable maximal conditions for self-expression when we already have an ability to express ourselves, or convenient conditions for learning the ability when we do not have it.

The term maximal reduction sounds paradoxical since the word “reduction” is usually perceived as negative, but in the frame of the friendly approach it does not have any valued significance. As we cannot possibly be in different places at the same time, we cannot possibly refer to all the stimulations all at once. We must sort them out and find the best reduction which enables us to achieve convenient conditions for learning or to reach sufficient expression.

For instance, when we lack sexual experience it is difficult for us to be aware of the sensations at the tips of our fingers when we caress our partner and of the touch of our partner’s hands on our body at the same time. At first, it is best to reduce the elements in order to be able to focus on the sensation, to enjoy it thoroughly and only then to expand the circle of stimulations. We should start touching each other in the dark, in order to focus solely on the sensation of touch; then we should add more and more experiences. Sexual experience, like any other experience, should be built gradually and in a friendly atmosphere. It is not healthy to try to lift a ton; it is better to divide the ton into smaller units and carry them one by one.

The principle of a successful production of change is going step by step. You better first produce a change in your relationship with a young child, and only then try to produce change in the relationship with an adult. If you feel that the responsibility of being a parent is too much for you, you should first practice on a little pet.

From time to time you come to consult with us about choosing your professional identity. We shall start with sharpening of tools and reduce the attention given to shaping to one night a week and to the production of management to the weekend. Only later on we shall deal with heavy, more complicated questions of identity.

Every so often someone who is extremely eager to produce an essential change in his life arrives, and unfortunately there is no escape from preparing a better foundation for the production of change. For a while we would practice on focusing on attentive listening to music or reading a book until we manage to enjoy it and love it. Then we can expose ourselves to loving another person.

Yet, the process of learning is not always linear: sometimes it is better to start with an especially difficult challenge which will pave the way to many easier changes.

It is not that simple to know the level of reduction that suits us. A person who reduces his world too much, will see only part of the scenery and miss the spectrum of opportunities; a person who goes for too many elements will also miss the opportunity of becoming an expert in a field which is suitable for him. Thus, it is a dynamic concept and we must conduct a thorough examination time and time again in order to ensure our maximal reduction is indeed maximal – not too small and not too big.

The discretion involved in finding our maximal reduction is a constant question of identity: where should we invest most of our energies, and what are the things we should give up; what shall become our main occupation, what shall become a complimentary hobby and what should we give in altogether.

We must examine it with every person according to his personal state of aggregation and learning ability.

Mental Budget

The amount of energy and capabilities at our disposal at every given time.

Mental budget, like physical shape or financial budget is subject to change. A person who has limited mental budget is capable of little. It does not allow him “both”. For example, it is hard for him both to study and to work. Obviously, he cannot love a woman, raise children, work, study and find time for a few hobbies…

A devoted scholar increases the abilities and mental budget at his disposal. Thus he has a greater mental budget and as busy as he is he finds time for more.

Awareness of our abilities includes knowing the mental budget at our disposal at every given moment.  When someone does not notice he has reached the end of his ability and remains, for instance, in the company of his wife and children, he shall eventually be forced to react with crude means such as quarrels, outbreaks and the likes in order to rest from them…Then he will have to spend his resources trying to make peace with them. Another person, who is more attentive to his mental budget, will spend an hour with them and then move on to a different occupation, while maintaining a friendly atmosphere. When he recovers, he shall meet them again. Obviously, in the context of friendly thinking we aspire to increase our abilities and our mental budget. We shall also develop a scenery sight which enables economic use of the mental budget. Let’s take for example a woman who meets some guy in the south, with whom she likes to travel; she meets another guy in the north with whom she prefers to have sexual intercourse. She also meets a friend in Jerusalem with whom she likes to talk. This woman spends a lot of time on the road. Her energies are directed to different places and she does not improve her ability to make friends. She should find one guy with whom she likes to have sexual intercourse, travel and talk. Then she will be left with enough mental budget to add other friendly components to her life. Other examples of connecting friendly elements:  finding mutual hobbies together with your spouse, children and friends; going on a long trip with a friend or a spouse  – that way you get to see the world and enrich your relationship at the same time…